2.13 - ¿DONDE ESTA MI PASAPORTE !?!

Now, the young girl Did miss her bandana

Said She, “I must return to Habana”

Chartered flights she did seek

So that in just a few weeks

She'd be lounging in a seaside Cabana

Not quite Kipling or Keats yet... but at least he’s still avoiding Nantucket.

So here’s The Thing [and as we all know, what usually follows is NOT The Thing] but in this case it DOES have everything to do with –The Thing – that being all the hoops the Cuban Lady, the Cuz’s and the other innocent tag-along’s will have to jump through to get back to her Mother Country.  

Oh… and you thought this was gonna be easy?!?  Silly you!

Travel Details 101 for Cuban Travel.

First Thing ya gotta do is secure the services of a Cuban Travel Service Provider licensed by O.F.A.C. [Office of Foreign Assets Control – an office within the Office of Terrorism and Financial Intelligence within The US Treasury Department].  OFAC provides several travel licenses one - a general license - that authorizes travelers to visit immediate extended family members (including uncles, cousins, and second cousins) that live in Cuba, without any restrictions regarding frequency and duration of visits.

Next, if you are a U.S. born Citizen, this OFAC approved agent can secure a special Visa and entry permit for your trip to Cuba. Then along with your US Passport or Green card and a $90 fee - you're ready to go. Such a Bargain!!!  Welllll… not quite!
There is a bunch of other stuff if you're not US Born, read on.

If you are Cuban born,  it gets even better -  just follow the bouncing ball below:

·        Persons who left Cuba before December 31, 1970 can travel to Cuba with their U.S. Passport (or Green Card) but need to apply for a PE-11 Visa  ß click the link to see this cute bit of bureaucratic goblety-gook provided by one such OFAC agency] and submit it along with a copy of your valid U.S. Passport (or Green Card) as well as a copy of any official U.S. document that proves residence outside of Cuba before 12/31/70 (for example old school or medical records, Pay Stubs, electric or phone bill in your name, Naturalization certificates, etc) to secure an entry permit.

·        Persons who left Cuba after December 31, 1970 must travel to Cuba using BOTH their Cuban AND American documents. This means you must have a valid U.S. passport or Green Card, and a Cuban passport with its corresponding Visa (or Habilitacion).

You then need to provide a copy of your valid Cuban passport with Visa (Pasaporte Habilitado) as well as a copy of your U.S. documents to secure an Entry Permit.

Cuban Born Visa’s are: wait for it… $210.  
Can you Say RIP-OFF?

Now you wait for 2-4 weeks to see if you're going, or if you're out $300!  Oh… and the visa’s are only good for 90 days so you better be “Ready to Hat Up” [old military jargon-meaning ‘put your hat on and get the hell outta Dodge'] and head south within 90 days of the date the Visa was issued.

Sooooo… now you got your dates straight and the Agent proceeds to book your flight – which only go on certain days, from certain cities at only a certain time – Going and Coming.  For example:

   If you're traveling from Tampa – such as “CUZ” of Tampa and her entourage and you go on Saturday, you  fly @1:20PM [with a 4 hour advance check in] and must come back on Saturday @10:30AM..

   But… if you're flying from Miami – like the Wacky American Tourist and the Ever-Lovely Cuban Lady, you can fly out on Saturday and can fly back either Saturday or Sunday – Go Figure.

The next HOT little bit of necessary information:  Your US Bank Credit cards [including your Bank issued Debit card and AMEX card] are USLESS IN Cuba!
SERIOUSLY... Ya just can't make this stuff up!

They don't take NADA.  Of course if you're lucky enough to have a Canadian, UK, Spanish, Italian Visa or Master Card from ANYWHERE else, your VISA is "Welcome where You Are".  Yeah, Uncle Fidel just hates Uncle Sam enough to make you have to take lots of CASH. [Guess he doesn't want to pay our credit processing fees] AND... if you want to convert US Dollars to CUC [Cuban Convertible Currency - the common cash in Cuba] you're gonna pay a 10% conversion tax in addition to whatever exchange rate you have to pay depending on where you choose to exchange.  Luckily there is a Bank next door to where we're gonna stay.  So.... we're gonna take Canadian Dollars for the trip, and here's why:

$USD converts in Cuba at +/- 3-4%+10% tax=14%/Dollar.

$USD to Canadian here cost 5-6% and converts in CUBA 1:1 saving 8-9% /Dollar thus a no brainer.

Thats enough mind numbing details for one day, we'll learn all about Car rentals, Accommodations and a host of other juicy travel factoids in the next episode.

And we haven't even gotten to fun of filling out the PE-11 application, internet access, bottled water, etc...

HASTA LUEGO,
Uncle Chuck and The Eyes already Blurring
Cuban Lady

Gonna Ride antique Chevy's, Eat Sweet Plantains, Sip Fine Aged Rum